It was another new experience this morning. My wife and I went to the Port Royal Country Club for breakfast with the Knights of Columbus and their spouses. I had the privilege of being the keynote speaker following breakfast. It is always a pleasure to address groups that do a lot of good in the local parish and the wider community. The setting was beautiful and the meal was delicious. Many thanks to the Knights of Columbus for all of the good work that you do.
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It was my privilege today to travel off the island to serve as the keynote speaker at the Beaufort Deanery Catechist Appreciation Celebration. The event was held in Ridgeland, South Carolina at John Paul II Catholic School. Each of the parishes in the deanery were represented at the gathering.
The day started with the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass. We were then treated to a wonderful breakfast by the Knights of Columbus from St. Peter's Parish in Beaufort. The morning drew to a close with my 45 minute presentation entitled, "Nurtured, Nourished, Sent!" It was my intent to offer the catechists some insights for refreshment and renewal during the summer so they could come back in the fall energized and ready to go again. Was I successful in doing that? You will have to ask the attendees to get that answer. We are entering into the fifth week of the Easter season. Are you still celebrating the resurrection of our Lord well? This past weekend we celebrated "Good Shepherd Sunday" as well as Mother's Day. I typically do not preach too much about a secular holiday such as Mother's Day, but I thought it flowed well with Good Shepherd Sunday so I addressed both topics in one homily this year.
Mother's day is a time of joy for many, but it is also a time of pain for others. Couples who have struggled with infertility know the pain quite well. Those who have had miscarriages know the pain of loss in an even greater way. Parents who have lost children due to illness, accident, suicide, or even murder, know the pain of loss at a depth that I can only imagine. It is in this pain that the Good Shepherd can meet us at the point of our need. While I prepared my homily for the weekend, Ashlin kept popping into my mind. I knew we were approaching the 10-year anniversary of her death, and the thought of how much pain her mother has endured these past ten years kept weighing on my mind. The pain of loss is bad enough any time when a young person dies. When a young person dies by violence, it is even more devastating. My blog posts in recent years reflecting on the death of Ashlin have been the most read posts I have had in all my years of blogging. I feel compelled to run some of it again this year on the 10-year anniversary of her death. Raising awareness of domestic violence and abusive relationships is a necessary task in modern society. If the pain of one family can prevent another family from experiencing the same thing, my time in sharing this blog is well-worth it. Watching the evening news in any major metropolitan city can be quite depressing. There are stories of violence and crime night after night. How do we cope with grief, sadness, and tragedy when it comes to us in such a steady flow? Do we grow numb to it all? What happens when the tragedy hits close to home? How does that change the perspective? Over thirty-five years ago I graduated from college with a degree in Criminal Justice and Sociology. My first job out of college was in law enforcement. I became a police officer with the St. Louis County Police Department. This small town farm boy was introduced to some realities of life that I had not previously known. It was especially true when I worked the evening or midnight shift. There were nights when one call after another was for a "domestic disturbance." People who had thought enough of one another at some point in time to date, live together, or even get married were now fighting intensely with one another. The things I witnessed were shocking. I had learned about these things in my college classes from a sociological point of view as well as from a criminal vantage point. Now I was seeing it first hand, up-close and personal. Once in a while there was a little humor to be found in the mess, but most of the time it was just frightening. Once as I approached a house for a domestic disturbance call I could see through the picture window that a woman was heaving potted plants at her husband. No weapons were in sight. As I entered the scene both parties calmed down. As they each looked at the potting soil covering the floor from about ten potted plants being heaved at the man, they just sort of sighed. A little chuckle even came forth as they thought about the mess that needed to be cleaned up following their spat. Unfortunately, the majority of the domestic disturbance calls were much more serious. Guns and knives were frequently part of the equation. Others were even more creative. One individual boiled a pot of water, added bleach to it, and then threw it on the sleeping companion. The ways we choose to hurt one another can be extreme. It was ten years ago today that Ashlin (pictured above) experienced the ultimate domestic violence. The world changed for many people on that fateful day. In my 20 years of ministry as a deacon, I have presided at or assisted with, numerous funeral rituals. Ashlin's has been the only memorial service that I have done for the victim of homicide. It was the most heart-breaking service that I have ever led. Ashlin wasn't just a newscast for me. Domestic violence had struck right into the heart of my own family. A double homicide and a suicide devastated multiple families on that day. Two young toddlers lost both their parents and a third toddler lost his dad (Daniel). Parents and family members of the three deceased individuals were left with an overwhelming amount of grief. I cannot even imagine the level of emotions that must have been experienced by parents losing their children in such an unthinkable act. That grief continues to impact family members ten years later. As one family member mentioned, "The pain doesn't go away. You just learn different ways to cope." The toddlers have grown up. Each milestone event that has taken place through the years with the kids leaves an aching thought, "What would Ashlin think about this?" I am sure this is true for Daniel's family as well. As Daniel's son moves through adolescence, it must be difficult at times for family members to watch milestone events happen without pondering what it would be like if circumstances were different. The world turned upside down on that day for many people. However, the resilience by Ashlin's mom and so many others around her demonstrates the power of love. I have no words for that kind of love except to say, "Thanks." Hate, anger, and violence have been overcome by your love. You have been a witness for all of us in regard to courage and fortitude. I am sure Ashlin's mom would have preferred to stay in the role of grandma, but the circumstances dictated that she move into the role of mom. The energy, the stamina, and the ability to keep going despite the struggle says a lot about that kind of commitment and dedication. Keep up the good work. The number of phone calls, e-mails, and public comments I received after posting about domestic violence in recent years has made me realize a little more clearly how pervasive the problem of domestic violence is. It is impacting a lot of people. I am praying in a fervent way today for all who are in danger. I am praying for all those in grief. The pain is real. The grief is immense. Domestic violence has a face, and it is the face of a loved one for many families. Several people expressed their concerns to me in the past saying that "the system" doesn't work in regard to seeking protection. I realize that the system is not perfect, but I have seen it work in some instances. Doing nothing is probably not a good option if you know your life is in jeopardy. Each situation probably has its own unique set of circumstances, but the bottom line is to try to figure out how to keep everyone safe when the dynamics are threatening. There are no easy answers sometimes, but awareness and action may save someone's life. Others expressed to me that in this particular case there were no warning signs. I was not close enough to the situation to know if there were signs or not. Sometimes, there are very few indicators of things being as tense as what they are. It is not always possible to detect the seriousness of the threat to one's well-being. With that being said, I simply want to remind my readers to seek help if you are living in a dangerous situation. If you see a loved one in danger because of the volatile nature of a significant other, please try to intervene in some manner to protect your loved one. Don't wait until it is too late. There are resources available to assist you regardless of the circumstances in which you find yourself. Domestic violence is real and it can shatter lives in a heartbeat. Don't become part of an evening newscast. Seek help before the situation gets to that point. To all of Ashlin's family, please know of my prayers for you today. The pain of this 10-year anniversary of her death is sure to bring many emotions to the forefront. We mourn with you. However, we also give thanks for the treasured memories that remain from her short time on this earth. Most importantly, we give thanks for the wonderful children who carry on her legacy. May each of you feel the touch of God in a powerful way today and always! Many thanks to everyone who made my visit to St. Albert Catholic Schools a joyous and productive event. It was an amazing trip, and I am blessed to have had this opportunity to meet the school community before the end of the year.
There is obviously a shared vision of wanting the school to flourish. I think it would be fair to say that there is a burning desire within the hearts of the people to see this school thrive beyond imagination. The energy behind this shared vision is immense, and the success of the dinner-auction clearly demonstrates that level of energy. One person after another said to me, "Let me know how I can help." The level of commitment that stands behind the energy is equally impressive. Lastly, I repeatedly heard words of hopefulness while I was there. This is not to ignore the concerns that are present as well. It simply lets me know that we have much good to build upon while we address the concerns and uncertainties that some people are feeling. After a day of travel on Sunday, and spending the evening having dinner with the priests of Council Bluffs, I went to bed a little road-weary at the end of the 16 hour day. However, my excitement was already beginning to build. Visiting with the priests of the area was a real blessing. These are some good men striving to serve their people well. I am looking forward to working with them in a variety of ways as we minister to God's people. Monday's schedule went from 7:00 A.M. until almost 8:00 P.M. The 13 hour day was pretty much non-stop, but it was a magnificent day. I met a lot of people. I am honored to soon be part of this wonderful school community. The potential is huge. I am eagerly awaiting to see how God moves in our midst as we go through the coming days, weeks, months, and years. Please know of my gratitude to everyone who has sacrificed in so many ways throughout the half-century of the school's existence to make this institution a beacon of light and hope. I will admit that I had a hard time sleeping Monday night. My head was spinning with new information, new ideas, and a burning excitement for what lies ahead. With only a few hours of sleep, it was time to head to the airport in Omaha early Tuesday morning. I made it through the short security line just after 5:30 A.M. The plane was sitting at the gate for our 7:05 departure and I thought all was well with the travel industry. Unfortunately, mechanical problems delayed departure to the point that I knew I was going to miss my connecting flight in Atlanta. After sitting in the airport and on airplanes from 5:30 A.M. to well into the afternoon, I finally arrived home. Was I tired? Yes, indeed. Was the trip worth it? Absolutely! There were many people doing things behind the scenes to make Monday a successful day. I know my brief sketch here won't include everyone who deserves a word of thanks, but I do want to highlight a few folks. Dr. Tracy Bonday, Superintendent of Schools for the Diocese of Des Moines, has been extremely helpful in orchestrating many of the details connected with this transition. I am appreciative of her diligence and expertise on many different levels. I am grateful to Bishop Pates for picking me up at the airport in Des Moines on Sunday. We were able to enjoy some windshield time together as we made our way from Des Moines to Council Bluffs. This allowed for some meaningful discussions about the diocese in general and the Council Bluffs area in particular. The bishop's knowledge of the area was evident as he explained a variety of things as we drove through Council Bluffs. I am grateful that the new leadership team was able to join me for the entire day. It was our first time to be together and it was a productive day for each of us. Thanks to each of you for your willingness to give of your time so generously. Everyone involved in preparing for the all-school Mass deserves a round of applause. Turning a gymnasium into a worship space is always a bit of a challenge. You did it well. Obviously, you have had some practice at it. Thank you to everyone involved in setting up the sound system, the risers for the choir, the altar, the ambo, the projector and screen, and all the vessels and books needed for Mass. I have to give a special tip of the cap to the choir at Mass. You did a marvelous job. You truly helped us to pray more fully. Thanks to the choir director and piano accompanist as well. You have prepared the students well. (By the way, who moves the piano back and forth?) It was impressive to observe the way the students conducted themselves all throughout the day. Even though it was a "dress-down" day for some, behavior was still respectful and courteous. A tip of the cap needs to be given to the parents and grandparents too. These young men and women (upper class students) have been formed well in many ways. I always appreciate when a young person shakes my hand and looks me in the eye as he/she does so. These types of simple skills will reap big rewards in college interviews, job interviews, and a multitude of other settings. Many of the students have these basic skills firmly in place. That is awesome! The little children always bring energy and enthusiasm. It is uplifting to see the look of joy in a child's face. Jesus knew what he was doing when he said, "Let the children come to me." To everyone involved in organizing the various receptions throughout the day--thank you. This provided me an opportunity to visit with many different groups in a single day. I know events like this do not just happen on their own. Thank you to everyone who had a hand in the details of each event. I want to give a special "shout-out" to the Foundation Board for setting up the evening reception off campus. It touched my heart to see how many people took the time to just stop in to introduce themselves. While it took me two and a half hours to finally visit with the last of the guests, the board members patiently waited even though I ran the event thirty minutes longer than scheduled. Thank you for setting up the event and marketing it in such a way that you generated a tremendous turn-out. It was a beautiful evening. It is now time to shift gears back into my current role. I still have a couple of exciting events on the horizon here as well. On Saturday, I have the privilege of being the keynote speaker for the Beaufort Deanery Catechist Appreciation Celebration in Ridgeland, South Carolina. Then, on Sunday, I will be the keynote speaker at a Knights of Columbus gathering at the Port Royal Country Club here on Hilton Head Island. We are also working on transitions on this end as well. It is my hope to have a smooth transition as I hand over the reigns here at St. Francis by the Sea to a very capable and outstanding individual. "Give thanks to the Lord for he is good. His mercy endures forever." It was 52 years ago, but I still have my prayer book from when I received my First Holy Communion. The case has kept it in relatively good condition through multiple moves and many years of sitting in my nightstand drawer. These milestone moments can impact us for decades. That is why I do my best to prepare young people well for receiving their sacraments. These can be life-changing moments in their lives just as my First communion was for me. I want to be sure our young children and adolescents are given the same opportunities as we had to be impacted by the love of God through solemn celebration of the sacraments. I am glad this information was retained in the inside cover of my prayer book.
The starting date of my new position is still six weeks away, but I am going to make a quick trip out to Council Bluffs, Iowa to be introduced to the community before the end of the school year. It will be a day full of meetings and receptions as we attempt to conduct as much business as possible while I am in town. I truly look forward to meeting the St. Albert Catholic Schools community. See you soon.
As I passed by the front of church just before noon going from my office over to the parish office, I could not help but stop and pause. The trickle of the fountain, the 80 degree temperature, and the beautiful blue sky in the backdrop came together and prompted me to hesitate for a moment and give thanks. It is my desire to never take these things for granted, and I am grateful that the flowing water caught my attention enough to make me slow down and stop. (Of course I then had to take a photo.)
How have you been blessed today? This statue really struck me as I passed by it earlier this week in the Sea Pines area. Making good use of time by reading while enjoying a sandwich is something I have done on more than a few occasions. At the beginning of the year I was asking you on a regular basis what you were reading. I have not asked in a while, so I think it is time to ask again. What are you currently reading or what have you read recently? What did you learn? This is what I just started reading. As I prepare for my new role at St. Albert Catholic Schools I want to be sure we are marketing the school well. Learning more about "branding" seemed like a good thing to do.
It was my pleasure to join three others in being honored at the end of Mass yesterday. The administration of St. Francis Catholic School gave each of the school teachers, myself, and my assistant an arrangement of flowers in gratitude for our work in preparing the children for First Communion and the Sacrament of Confirmation. We had beautiful celebrations over the weekend and I was blessed to be part of it.
Next week will mark 52 years since I received my First Holy Communion. I'll share more about that when the day arrives. For now, let us lift all of these young people up in prayer that they respond fully to the grace of God in their lives. After almost a year of living here I finally made it down to the south end of the island today. We were interviewing a candidate for a position at the parish and we did some sightseeing at the end of the interview. Some of the places we visited today I had not yet seen. I don't know if the job applicant enjoyed it as much as I did, but it was a great day to be outside. Sea Pines is a beautiful resort area. Some of the "boats" aren't too bad either. Enjoy the photos. Coligny Beach was somewhat crowded already for being early in the season and the middle of the week.
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